The Dumbinyun of Canaberta

News from the Dumbinyun of Canaberta

The Cowtown Rag & Gleaner reports that GLFL (Glorious Leader For Life) S. Lyre will declare, at his speech to mark the Vernal Equinox Festival, that there’s no truth to the rumours(4) that his other-right(2) hand Abner Dowell Day ever accepted money to ride a ski-doo or for any other “non-c”(3) purpose, and that anyone apprehended repeating or even thinking about the rumour will be convicted of an offence as prescribed by the COD-R.(1)

1. The Crapper Original Declarations (Revised) [COD-R] state that it is an offence to disparage the GLFL or any member of the GLFL’s retinue. Whether disparagement has occurred shall be determined by the GLFL or a person appointed by the GLFL in his or her sole discretion. Upon conviction, the deviant shall be punished by

(a) death by drawing and quartering or,
(b) a week of 24/7 listening to the humour of the GLFL, followed by immediately painless execution,

at the option of the deviant.

2. The COD-Rs prohibit thinking of or the use the word “left” at any time, regardless of the intended meaning of the usage.

3. The COD-Rs similarly ban the acronym “pc” on the grounds that it might be taken to mean “progressive conservative”, the COD-Rs also having banned the use of “progressive”.

4. And even if there were truth, there’s no proof in the Glorious Dumbinyun, where the clean-up crews are competent.

Loony Tunes

It seems that Ontario MPPs (members of the Ontario provincial legislature) are paid less than many police officers, teachers, tool-and-die makers, and judges (and others): see, here.

Some might say that's entirely apt.

Québécois Reservation

The Lament of the Québécois Reservation Pur Laine

[Sung to the tune of "Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)" performed by The Raiders; song written by John Loudermilk ]

They took the whole Québécois nation
Put us on this reservation
Took away our native tongue
Taught their English to our young
Took away our ancestral ties
Pure wool pulled over our eyes

Québécois nation, Québécois tribe ...
etc

Anyway, let's not forget:

One nation, indivisible ...

Oh?

Right.

Wrong country.

Never mind.

Of Mice and Men; Of Machines and Men

Mice are becoming bigger, faster and smarter.
Man is becoming bigger, faster and dumber.

Machines are becoming smaller, faster and smarter.
Man is becoming bigger, faster (sometimes) and dumber.

(Even if we eliminate Jim Carey and Adam Sandler).

Does anyone see a trend?

Peccavimus

November 25, 2006 (still C.E.)

Or, peccavi, for those who are offended.

Last week, in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

• a tiny, not-so-perfect Finance Minister implied that, for accounting purposes, it is permissible to talk about doing things you are not supposed to do with money that doesn't belong to you so long as you don't actually do those things, and

• the Supreme Court of Canada also concluded it's permissible to have bad thoughts so long as one doesn't act on them (too much).

The irony! the irony!

Lenny B, we need you.

And still gone walkabout, but I couldn't resist the (in)congruity.

Our Fearless Leader Returns

Wacko Jacko - Canadian Version

Whilst the billy is boiling, let's waltz a bit.

It must be soooo hard to dance with all of your feet in your mouth, and even more so when both feet are left.

I read that Canada's version of Wacko Jacko and his stumblebum crew of Snuff (as in not quite up to) Dippers are now complaining that the party of the righteous Mammon isn't doing enough to help the poor. (Look up the Aramaic meaning here, here.)

Mammon led them on--
Mammon, the least erected Spirit that fell
From Heaven; for even in Heaven his looks and thoughts
Were always downward bent, admiring more
The riches of heaven's pavement, trodden gold,
Than aught divine or holy else enjoyed
In vision beatific. (Milton Paradise Lost, Book i, 678-690)

Just what was WJ hoping for? The conversion of crude into edible ... oil ... products? An oil for food policy (Oh, right, that's been tried, elswhere.)

WJ and his minions are yet more proof of George Santayana's reminder here on the consequences of frail memory. Or if the adage that one should sometimes be careful what one wishes for.

The tea is on, it's time to go.

Gone Walkabout (prospects of return unknown)

All of this for 10 seats including a job at the public expense for OC?

Oh, Jack. You gotta a lot of 'splainin to do. (Pace, Ricky, Lucy)

Negative Capability

John Keats wrote in a 21 December 1817 letter to his brothers: “I mean Negative Capability, that is when man is capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts without any irritable reaching after fact & reason.”

Wikipedia tell us [here] that "Keats believed that great people (especially poets, whom he considered to almost be on another level to the rest of humanity) had the ability to accept that not every thing can be resolved - being capable of remaining negative on something. Keats was a Romantic and believed that truth does not lie in science and philosophical reasoning, but in art. In art the aim is not, as in science, to solve problems, but rather to explore them. Hence, accepting that there may not be a solution to vexing problems is important to artists."

That suggests that Keats wouldn't have thought much of lawyers and judges, for a solution - sometimes any solution - is often more important than the process (Keat's adventure). On the other hand, I don't remember ever reading anything setting out Keats' view of the placement of the legal profession in the corpus of humanity. (That is, lawyers who are not also poets.) I suppose I should have looked on the bottom of that urn. Still, most people would concede that lawyers and judges are "capable of being in uncertainties ... without any irritable reaching after fact & reason" - actually, without any irritation at all - and holding (and expressing) contradictory opinions. If you don't, I suggest you listen. And then read a few case reports.

In the meantime, I'll read an Ode or two. Or the Sunday comics.

Phil Ochs

So who thought that blogging would be a passing fancy?

Now how many would fancy passing a good blog? (We might wonder what the programmers of the Blogger spelling utility consider a good blog, since the vanilla dictionary doesn't recognize blogging and offers flogging as an alternative).

And how many can foresee a fancy passing for blogging?

Probably as many as really believe they'll see fancy passing in the NHL once it matters (except perhaps at the bar when the cheque comes).

And with less reason. (The Blogger spelling utility offers NIL as the alternative for NHL. Can't say I disagree.)

Remember what Barnum said as you line up to buy your (somewhat discounted) tickets.

....


What does the late Phil Ochs have to do with any of this? Absolutely nothing.

Still ...

Some of you out there remember who Phil Ochs was, right? He burned brighter, or at least as brightly, in his time as Bobby Zed. Then he gave up. Maybe if Ochs had been able to outrun his demons.

Still ...

Listening now to his 3 CD Farewell & Fantasies collection reminds me that there was always a certain sameness to his music. Dylan managed to avoid that.

And still, again ...


listen to (and read) Ochs' lyrics in Changes, or Outside Of A Small Circle of Friends, or When In Rome, or crucifixion, or for something very current Love Me, I'm A Liberal ... then ask yourself what might have happened if he'd been just a bit better as a tunesmith.

Or found one.

Or lived long enough to become one.

Not Even Grandpa Moses

There was an outdoor art show a few weeks back.

Blogging is to literary talent as outdoor art shows are to artistic talent. What's even more remarkable than the number of people who have more than just a bit of talent is the even greater number who have absolutely none whatsoever. And haven't the faintest clue.

Those wishing to form a firing squad should meet in the quad at dawn. Bring clean underwear and try not to stand in a circle.

On Adam's Rib (1949)

"Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers...Lawyers should marry piano players or song-writers - or both." [Kip (David Wayne) to Amanda (Katharine Hepburn) in Adam's Rib (1949)]

Do you think this explains Axl Rose or Mick Jagger?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

On Waking Up & Passing The Post

• How can a ship be headless when there's all of nature to be had?
• Is quantum uncertainty more uncertain than ordinary uncertainty and may I serve red wine with imported avocado at second Seders?
• What really happened in Sleepy Hollow.
• If common sense is really common, why are pomegranate seeds so hard to pick up with hockey gloves? If two heads are better than one, why don't more people use two-holers in winter in Sudbury?
• What is a headless lawyer and how will this upset the puppies?
• What is the proper relativistic state for reading this blog?
• Why are you here? How the heck would I know if you don't tell me? If I was psychic, don't you think I'd have bought Microsoft stock in the late 1970s and early 1980s? If I had, do you really think I'd be typing this blog entry? Don't you think I'd be paying someone like you to do it for me?
• Should lawyers marry lawyers? (see Adam's Rib with Hepburn & Tracy, not the gawdawful remake, even if Blythe Tanner was still gorgeous then.)
• Come back in due course for the answers to these and other questions if you're interested in definitive answers to important questions that should trouble intelligent Canadians, answers to even more important questions, and the true story of the missing Shmoon (R) tribes after the demise of Lower Upper Slobbovia (R) ... or, if you've nothing better to do than clean out the sock-lint between your toes before donning your summer sandals.