The Dumbinyun of Canaberta

News from the Dumbinyun of Canaberta

The Cowtown Rag & Gleaner reports that GLFL (Glorious Leader For Life) S. Lyre will declare, at his speech to mark the Vernal Equinox Festival, that there’s no truth to the rumours(4) that his other-right(2) hand Abner Dowell Day ever accepted money to ride a ski-doo or for any other “non-c”(3) purpose, and that anyone apprehended repeating or even thinking about the rumour will be convicted of an offence as prescribed by the COD-R.(1)

1. The Crapper Original Declarations (Revised) [COD-R] state that it is an offence to disparage the GLFL or any member of the GLFL’s retinue. Whether disparagement has occurred shall be determined by the GLFL or a person appointed by the GLFL in his or her sole discretion. Upon conviction, the deviant shall be punished by

(a) death by drawing and quartering or,
(b) a week of 24/7 listening to the humour of the GLFL, followed by immediately painless execution,

at the option of the deviant.

2. The COD-Rs prohibit thinking of or the use the word “left” at any time, regardless of the intended meaning of the usage.

3. The COD-Rs similarly ban the acronym “pc” on the grounds that it might be taken to mean “progressive conservative”, the COD-Rs also having banned the use of “progressive”.

4. And even if there were truth, there’s no proof in the Glorious Dumbinyun, where the clean-up crews are competent.